17. Prometheus Unwound

Some distant wind of unknown origin carefully relieved an acorn from her last thread of attachment falling to an undiscovered patch of earth and tumbles to the banks of a stream that carries her away by the rising rain-filled waters easing into a great mountain river flowing aimfully to a great distant sea. She carefully secures herself in post flood plain. A roving robin either had keen eyes or randomly noticed her in his bombsights and made a swift dive to grab her up higher and higher where he is pursued by the great hunting hawk. More dives and turns the robin loses the acorn floating spiraling downward into some undiscovered landscape.  The acorn transforms in time and becomes home providing Frostian branches for some farmer’s son’ imagination until that same farmer requires fuel for the hearth to ward off the frigid winter that seems to have frozen everything. The gods had different plans with that acorn’s companions who were also shaken free by that same wayward wind. A few were gathered by hungry squirrels who anticipated a rough winter while others were loosed into the stream that lead to the river that emptied to the sea and were never heard from again.

 

The wind blew in from north, south and west all at once on one unusual day in the spring of 1966.  Things would not be the same. Jake would never forget that time, that year when he was shaken free. Completing anxious research for his tryout for the high school debating team he came across a number different reports of Vietnamese Buddhist monks self immolating in protest of the war in their country. The black and white photo on the cover of some national magazine of a monk sitting and burning in furious flames was an image that burned like a branding iron on Jake’s heart. He could almost feel the heat himself. He vaguely recalled how Jesus was quoted as saying something like “the greatest love is to give up one’s for his friend” and he had heard of heroic acts of soldiers and firemen who sacrificed their lives to save another. But, this was the first time where he had read of and seen individuals who would cover themselves in gasoline sacrificing themselves in a protest against war and as an act of desperate love to implore others that peace and love were the only ways to exist in this world. 

 

In one of those random but not so random acts Father Adolph had assigned Jake to lead the “anti war” team and Sundance the “pro-war “ team in their Oxford style debate. After the debate Sundance grabbed Jake by the arm into the hallway

 

“What the fuck was that all about? Since when did you get so compassionate about pacificism? You don’t care that much about anything except beer, music and Mary Lou!!!”

 

Mary Lou had Jake preoccupied a lot lately.

 

“ And. And, how dare you call me Mr. Cassidy, you smug bastard!”

 

Jake didn’t feel like he wanted or needed to explain anything about what he had learned in his research readings from famous catholic writers like Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day and Daniel Berrigan.

 

“The Wanderers will think I am weird if they knew what I was reading.”

 

His quasi-insecurity restricted him from mentioning anything about how the picture of the burning monk or the stories of these monks had shook his core. He even tried to deny and ignore his own feelings.

 

Earlier that week Sundance had casually mentioned that he would be the captain of the “pro-war team “ in the debate team tryouts Jake’s spirit became fired up… with a blend of excitement and anxiety. He knew Jake could never win. His friend, Sundance, diligent, bright, gifted and articulate. Jake’s mouth usually loose and fast would be tested. He accepted the challenge as a personal task to see if he could at least hold his own in a structured debate against his long time friend. Jake was uncomfortable with structures of any kind. Though after the tryouts his stomach still churned upside down and inside out in the end he felt he didn’t do half badly in the war of wits…. and maybe that upset Sundance just a little. Father Adolph refused to share the score by the other judges, one who was a teacher who had mentored Jake just a little in preparation for the event.

 

Al and Billy just happened to pass Sundance and Jake in the hall after the verbal skirmish and in unison each raised their two fingers on one hand in a “V” - saying

 

“Peace.”

 

Jake gave that almost tight lipped half-smile

 

“Peace to you too”

 

Sundance just shook his head and walked away and Jake darted quickly into the boys room before jumping into Black Beauty to find Mary Lou.

 

So in the stepping up to the Cambridge brownstone duplex door Jake didn’t realize that this arriving at Diana’s place years after that debate that he would be investigating what happened to him after the day the wind shook him free.

 

“ Oh my god. Jake, it is so good to see you. Who is this handsome fellow you brought over for me? Is he a gift?”

 

That was Diana for you.

 

“Yeh , he’s a gift alright.”

 

The fair-skinned Sundance wasn’t aware how much he blushed.

He pretended not to hear a word of their exchange.

 

“Pleased to meet you. Jake has said so many nice things about you.”

 

Sundance laughed….

 

“Of course he has. He knows I would kill him if he said anything different.”

 

Diana quipped

 

“Now that’s what I call a friendship.”

 

Diana had trained herself to be the perfect hostess. It was a goal of sorts. She had a specific goal in attending Harvard Law School. She had no intention to follow in the footsteps of famous female jurists but rather to meet some US Senator to be. She would never marry a congressman or lobbyist.

 

“God forbid!”

 

Her desire was to secure a place within the DC beltway and be that perfect hostess entertaining international dignitaries while holding her own in political and legal conversations.

 

After the boys settled down and cracked open the beer and the Jack Daniels Diana ran off to the bedroom and returned with a medium football sized ball of aluminum foil.

 

“Come here guys”

 

They sat in a circle on her faux Chinese rug as she religiously ceremoniously carefully folded back the sides of the ball to expose the inner communal gift.

 

“Holy shit! Is that all pure grass?”

 

Sundance murmured.

 

Diana retrieved an ole burned lipstick tainted corncob pipe and added

 

“And it is the best appetizer to accompany Jack.”

 

For a moment Jake was a little skittish as he thought she meant him but she explained she was speaking about the bourbon not him. Their contemplative atmosphere of focused solitudinal silence was disrupted only slightly with the ringing of her doorbell.

 

“Oh that’s probably Isabella. I said she could study hear if she wanted.”

 

Jake choked on the smoke that filled his mouth and lungs exploding out the smoke and sputum around the room and grabbed the Jack out of Sundance’s hand taking an enormous priest-guzzling gulp.

 

“Really? Isabella’s hear, now?”

 

He jumped like a worried half trained puppy to get the door and kissed Isabella as she squeezed by him through the doorway as she said

 

“You know I have to study and no funny business!”

 

“What? Well, I have to work on my petition to the draft board to approved as a “CO” (conscientious objector.)”

 

Jake just grabbed that one out of the air as quick as he could. He had procrastinated for weeks on crafting and submitting petition that was due within the next two weeks. He had rationalized that he didn’t need to prove to anyone that he was a pacifist but the reality was that the Department of Selective Service of the United States government required a little more evidence than just Jake’s word. Of course Jake wasn’t too keen at putting his short life on the line for some politician’s desire to prove that the United States would beat the shit out of any country that questioned it’s world dominance. So it was either heading for Canada or fighting authority. He always preferred the battles with authority.

 

Diana exhaled a great blow squeaking

 

“That is so cool, Jake. I can help you write it. I am on the law Review and am used to writing briefs where one is trying to build and prove a case! We’ll need more Jack and beer then!”

 

She fell backwards laughing and the ever-courteous Sundance helped her sit upright again.

 

“Thank you, you are such a sweet gentleman.”

 

There was that Cassidy cool blood boiling flowing to Sundance’s cheeks again…bright red! He was smitten a little by Diana’s tantalizing teasing and surprised that Jake had taken this anti-war pacifist notion to such an extreme. He didn’t want to say anything too complimentary to Jake yet and wanted to hear what Jake had to say about his views before Sundance would pass judgment or accept the fact that Jake was genuine about this. Actually, Sundance was smugly thinking

 

“I can’t wait to hear this fable!”

 

They all found their positions: Isabella on the couch with text and notebooks in hand; Sundance on his back placing the stereo’s speakers on both sides of his head listening to Dylan’s Rainy Day Women; Diana snuggled next to Jake with yellow legal pad and pen, and Jake of course drifting again watching the four gold fish circling each other locked in a world of their own in the bowl on the coffee table not making any progress.

 

Diana bubbled up

 

“Ok let me interview you Jake and then you can build your letter to the draft board around the responses to my queries.”

 

“What? Huh? Oh yeah”

 

Isabella tried to focus on her studies but couldn’t help but to shake her head.

 

Diana probed forward and not looking up from her pad she began

 

“So, when did you first realize that you might have pacifist tendencies?”

 

“ Well, ya know, I uh. I guess it all started being brought up Catholic. I mean I used to think about how Jesus is never quoted as saying “let’s kick the shit out of those folks” or “Let’s kill those Romans or Samaritans.”

 

“Ok, let me put it another way, when did you first feel that war and killing was wrong?”

 

Jake rambled on about the high school debate about the war in Vietnam, the readings he had done to prepare for the debate and how the self- immolation and sacrifice of the Buddhist monk moved him into another frame of mind about violence and war. He admitted that he was an angry person and how in the past and even sometimes now he was quickly tempted to use physical violence to protect himself or others. But it seemed that he had a semblance of sincerity as he elaborated about how he didn’t like that side of himself or others who acted in a similar fashion.

 

Sundance was now in the middle of “Ballad of a Thin Man” by Dylan as he opened his eyes, lifted his head and interrupted Jake.

 

“Oh, please!”

 

and he quickly returned back to the floor and the music.

 

Diana curious and writing not looking up continued

 

“But is their an event or person who may have influenced you more than any other?”

 

Jake explained that in a Russian Literature class he wrote a paper on how the writings of Thoreau influenced Tolstoy and Tolstoy’s writing left an impression on Gandhi and subsequently Gandhi’s writings and actions influenced Martin Luther King’s approach to non-violent protest and anti-war activity.

 

“Yeh, but that’s academic but is there any one incident or major influence?”

 

Jake paused… and paused, took a sip of Jack Daniels and paused some more.

 

“Well, when I first arrived at Fairleigh Dickinson University at the Madison campus I nervously stood on line to register for classes. There I met this older woman, Dr. Weingarten. I had no idea who she was. All I knew was that she was assigned as my academic advisor. As I sat down to begin our conversation about class selection she said ‘ so tell me Jake what are you about? Who are you and what do you want to contribute to society while your alive?’ I was beside myself. I couldn’t answer her. I was speechless”

 

Both Isabella and Sundance interrupted simultaneously and in harmony

 

“Now, that’s hard to believe”

 

and they returned to what they were doing.

 

“She then frightened the beegeebees out of me by suggesting that I take Calculus explaining that if I could learn that I could learn anything. I told her that I was afraid that if that’s the case I might not be able to learn anything. She asked if my grades in History were accurate, they were always A’s and if my SAT score on the special History SAT was accurate, it was almost 700. I told her they were and I had planned at that point to be a History Major. When I was done with her filling out this form I had noticed that she signed me up for a course she was teaching ‘The Anthropology of War.’ I had no clue about what that meant or who she was but at that point I figured ‘what the hell!’

 

When I bought the textbook for that Anthropology course I read the author’s autobiography, it was Dr. Weingarten! Actually she had been a famous anthropologist, women’s rights advocate from the 1930’s and a peace advocate who was not granted tenure at Columbia because of her anti-war activities in the 1940’s.

 

In the beginning of that text book ‘Anthropology of War and Hate’ were some of Dr. Weingarten’s opening remarks at the conference on The Art and Science of Living in a Peaceful Society held in Montreal around 1939 or so.  If I can recall it went something like  ‘War and violence have always been about control; control of land, control of purse strings and of course control of how and what people think and feel. Blah blah, …Consider how those who desire this control become out of control with their propensity for violence against others when they perceive that they have lost control or their control is threatened.’ Blah and blah…you know. Well, Meeting her and having her as a professor changed my outlook on why wars and violence happen and how we need to try and stop …war and violence I mean. I guess I had been ready to hear the news and begin to soak in what I had read just a year or two earlier in high school.”

 

“Wow, I think I have read some of her stuff. She is one of the primary movers of the original women’s movement back in the early 1900’s. But we are still on the academic side of things here.”

 

Diana had ceased her faux calligraphic writing as she listened to Jake.

 

“Let me continue…. and just a year later Dr. G assigned my English class to read ‘Johnny Got His Gun ‘ by Dalton Trumbo, a novel I will never forget and then there were the Aristides husband and wife professors who were also dismissed from Columbia for their anti war activities who taught a class I took on “famous Pacifist writers”, and by coincidence, if you believe in coincidences, my ole high school buddy Billy invited me on a pilgrimage to my first peace rally at St. Peters College where Daniel Berrigan the Jesuit radical priest, who’s writings I read years earlier ,  spoke and  …”

 

Diana turned a little nasty for a moment

 

“Ok, Ok…let’s take a break and think about your formation as pacifist. But before we do I wanna know if you are such a pacifist why are you wearing a POW bracelet?”

 

“ Well it has the name of Lt Fleming J. Baumer who is actually missing in action transport pilot who was shot down over Laos in ’67 on his way to deliver food and medical supplies to the Tom Dooley Foundation for Refugees. Too many people have sacrificed too much just so a few can protect their economic-political-religious interests. I didn’t see anyone coming to the aid of the Dalai Lama and Buddhists when the Chinese invaded Tibet or …”

 

“Ok ,Ok…she gets it “

 

Isabella had heard all this before and had to stop the two-hour tried and true repeated speech on the nature of poverty, racism and war in the world.

 

Diana jumped to her feet grabbing at Sundance’s arm still resting on the floor.

 

“Ok, time for bed. We will continue at dawn. I work best at dawn. So get some sleep because I have a million questions for you to answer. Remember to make love not war! Ha…. Peace brother!”

 

Sundance was not reluctant to the pull on his arm as he followed immediately behind to Diana’s bedroom not even bothering to turn around or smile or anything. He slammed the door behind them. Bang!

 

“Don’t even think about it”

 

 Isabella grumphed from behind her text book and added

 

“I need to study so find something else to do.”

 

Jake reached for his cigarettes, lit one. Grabbing his tattered corduroy jacket, he easily slipped his arms through the sleeves in almost one magical motion.

 

“I need some air now”

 

And eased through the door that he had come through just a few hours earlier and was gone. He didn’t even notice the gentle rain.

 

Not looking up from her books Isabella said sweetly

 

“Ok, be careful. You’re not in Kansas anymore! Dreamer!”

 

 

 

 

16. Styx Flow

The pious paralleled paraclete partners propelled purposely piercing themselves through the pines on the distant bank of the Charles gliding just a wing flap above the river’s slight downstream ripples. In perfect syncopation suddenly one, then, just as quickly, the second secured himself together with the first one on a branch to take a breath before jetting upward again towards the sky and some unspoken destination. Meanwhile a solo pilgrim Canadian goose floats carefree and effortlessly with the river’s current just as another splashes behind and then another. Suddenly the three are joined in collaborative coasting letting the river take them to wherever. They are unconcerned as scullers redirect their sleek vessels to avoid collisions with the feathered floaters. As if guided by some greater hand the geese glide to shallow eddies away from the waterway’s human traffic. They are safe and they just are.

 

Jake watches wondering how the two unworried birds had decided to fly in formation and became concerned about what interior spiritual force intuits the geese and the birds to be companions on their journeys.

 

“Were the journeys of these creatures always mutual?”

 

For a moment he is lost in the peace of the flow of everything.

The solace unintentionally dissipates with Sundance’s voice

 

“Well, since Isabella is off to study and we are left to our own devices, let’s find a famous Bean Town watering hole to quench our spirits before we secure a seat at the Feliciano concert.”

 

Startled but alert Jake chimes

 

“I’ll drink to that!”

 

Isabella carefully gathered her things

 

“Jake, you will drink to everything”

 

as she touches Sundance’s hand and pecking Jake’s cheek with her lips.

 

“and call me when you either get out of the concert or get settled at Diana’s place. There may be another demonstration at the commons today and I might not be in my dorm room.”

 

Concerned, Jake peered into Isabella’s eyes.

 

“ Oh don’t worry ya big silly. We have been having daily bomb scares in the building and some suggested it is just a hoax to get students out onto the streets and hopefully involved with the anti-war demonstrations. Everyday there seems to be a new group sponsoring a new demonstration against he war. I guess they figured that when students don’t have their dorms or classes to go to because of bomb threats in the school buildings the students will join the party”

 

Sundance asked

 

“The Communist Party?”

 

Frankly, Isabella was surprised by Sundance’s naïveté’ and she chided him

 

“No, the party in the streets. The demonstrations have become street festivals for most part. Of course you have the SDS’ers and the weathermen and Panthers and a few sympathizers but most folks I know go for the joints and beer. The radicals smoke dope and drink just as much as the tagalongs. Abbie and his yippies made this whole thing into some perverse circus. Before you know it you can have twenty to thirty thousand students in the streets chanting ‘Peace now.’ But the college administrators got wise and now if they get a bomb threat they don’t have mandatory evacuations and just let the students decide. When given a choice most of us usually decide to stick together. ”

 

Anxiously Jake glanced up and down at Isabella

 

“I know I am a loner of sorts but I’m no fool on a hill. It is great to get out of class. The professors usually leave too.  Howard Zinn is usually leading the parade. It is also a good way to get out from sleeping in those prison walled halls called a dormitory. So don’t be surprised if you see a large group marching down Mass Ave this afternoon or if you call me at the dorm I don’t answer.”

 

”So what’ll we do?”

 

“You worry too much. We will work it out. We always find a way.”

 

Jake tauntingly sang

 

“Well… just show me the way to the next whiskey bar….oh don’t ask why, oh don’t ask why!”

 

Sundance pulled on Jake’s arm.

 

“Now don’t sing that. Come on.”

 

The shadows of the two boys quickly disappeared over the knolls that bordered the Back Bay and the river.  Isabella quietly relocated herself almost unseen to a shady spot on the grassy banks with her blanket and books to keep her company.

 

Sundance turned to Jake as both were lighting another smoke.

 

“So, you know where we are going? We driving or walking or what?”

 

“Sure I do. Driving by the way.”

 

Sundance was concerned about the immediacy and truthfulness of the response. They jumped into Black Beauty headed somewhere closer to the concert hall. Like a bolt of lightening they had darted down the road for two blocks faster than the speed of light until the traffic in front of them forced them to a dead halt.

 

Sundance smiled that smile of relief…

 

“Bet you it’s a demonstration. We should go “

 

Sundance encouraged Jake further by pointing out a place to park.

 

“That spot has your name on it. Claim it now!”

 

Jake squeezed their over sized vessel into the vacant space and with no further words they laughed as they ran to see where the action was. Finally within a short run from where they stopped they saw a crowd gathered. Pushing and squirming their way to the front to see where the action was the bystanders stared at Jake as he yelled out

 

“Peace Now! Peace Now!”

 

As the two overexcited revolutionaries – in-training gradually worked their way further to the front of the crowd they heard the screeching blaring siren of some emergency vehicle weaving in an out of the jammed in traffic and congregating crowds.  Speechless and shocked they finally saw what everyone was looking at and stared at what looked like to be a body covered in a white sheet lying next to a smoking taxi cab that was sitting upside down with it’s roof half crushed in.

 

Sundance just pulled on the uncomfortable embarrassed Jake

“Come on let’s get outta here and find a bar quick and have a drink.”

 

Both boys were running on empty, emotionally and physically, and they needed refueling quickly if they were to make it through the night. Jake shifted to a thought about looking to find a bar he and Isabella liked somewhere near Fenway Park but he had no idea where he and Sundance were in relation to Fenway Park or to anywhere. They were officially lost. So to deflect from his own anxiety Jake asked

 

“ Hey did we ever get Kerouac’s or Salinger’s address?”

 

Sundance didn’t want to deal with any of that now. .

 

“Hey, there’s a pub or something over across the street. Maybe we can talk about that there”

 

“How do we know if it is any good?”

 

“Well, if it has beer it’s good and if it has burgers too it’s perfect.”

 

No more discussion needed as they entered the pub securing two seats side by side at the bar. Jake signaled the bartender for two beers and said

 

“Almost perfect and I am paying!”

 

“Hey!”

 

Sundance couldn’t complete his protestation. Jake forcefully held his companion’s hand as it reached for his own pocket. Sundance was always gracious and giving. He seemed to be an endless well of compassion and generosity. Sometimes that annoyed Jake but at the same time he was grateful to have a friend such as Sundance.

 

“Look, I am paying and that’s that. You always pay and you have done too much for me. So let me pay for tonight’s drinks. Just get a couple of beers and start a tab while I find the men’s room.”

 

Sundance was taken aback with Jake’s adamancy and comments and ordered two pints of Guinness just the same. He was confused as to why Jake thought he owed Sundance anything. On Jake’s faster than normal return from the men’s room Jake put his arm around Sundance leaning to whisper in his ear. Physical contact was not one of Sundance’s favorite ways of connecting with another human, especially a man. Jake knew that but did it anyway. Social scientists say we have 18 inches of personal space. Jake was good at intruding on that barrier as both Isabella and Sundance would often testify. Wriggling away from Jake, Sundance heard him say

 

“Listen, if anyone asks” Jake spoke almost inaudibly, “you are my date.”

 

Not being one who showed emotion easily Sundance changed all that as his eyes bulged out like some cartoon character completely befuddled by Jake’s comment as Jake continued

 

“Have you noticed anything unusual about this bar?”

 

Sundance ‘s first reaction was to look at the beer keg taps. Maybe they had an unusual selection of beers. No, that wasn’t it. He then scanned the prices, …standard. The menu….normal . He then looked carefully at the ambiance, typical dark dingy dive.

 

“It is a bar. It has a jukebox. The music is loud”

 

Sundance had difficulty speaking above the loud music.

 

(…“Me and you, you and me, no matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be…” blasted echoing bouncing throughout the poor acoustics of the half-lit beer odored room.)

 

“Now look at who is dancing to the music! But don’t stare, just casually look up.”

 

Sundance lifted his dark pint glass and moved his eyes to try to sneak a peek at what Jake was seemingly anxious about.

 

“Oh, they are men and a few boys dancing with each other!”

 

Jake, leaning in closer as if to snuggle to Sundance whispered

 “Yeh, this is a gay bar. If anyone asks me to dance I am going to tell them I am with you.”

 

“Well, what if they ask me to dance?”

 

“You can dance with them if you like then!”

 

Uncomfortable but thirsty and tired they agreed without speaking that they would sit and rest for a while and chug two pints before making their exit. Clinking glasses like two pilgrims on some half-baked crusade

 

Sundance elevating his drink

 

“Per ipsum et cum ipso et in ipso est tibi Deo Patri omnipotenti in unitate Spiritus Sancti omnis honor et gloria per omnia saecula saeculorum”

 

Jake’s response

 

“Amen, brother”

 

Jake cracked that crooked worrying smile as he couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling about what he would really say if anyone there would approach him to dance. He finally stopped his mental meandering and silently finished his drink.

 

Dipping their fore fingers into what stout remained in their glasses they both blessed themselves as they made their escape from the bar.

 

Jake laughed

 

“That was close”

 

Getting to be adept at stumbling they accidentally stumbled their way to the concert hall only to see a “Sold Out” sign plastered across the poster on the face of Jose Feliciano. Sundance pulled out his last two cigarettes in resignation, giving one to Jake and offered up a solution

 

“If we can find where you parked let’s just head out to Diana’s place.”

 

Sometimes it is good to go with the flow and sometimes it is good to stay put and sometimes it is good to retreat .The interventions of angels continued their surprises as the boys found the car with very little effort and the boys flew as fast as they could on the road that followed along the river back upstream.