6. Elysian Fields Forever

 Multiple Millers, Marlboros and maps are all one needs as provisions for passages to probable unknown escapades. Everyday is a journey filled with adventures. The intensity of the passage is often dictated not by the events but by if and how the reaction to the incidents may have altered one’s course. But it really doesn’t matter if one doesn’t have a plan.

 

Sailors prefer sextants, compasses and charts. Even though Columbus had no idea how where he was going he needed a plan to get to where he believed he might end up. Sometimes when our assumptions and journeys are wrong we can make great discoveries. Most cross-country truckers have plans and count on map accuracy and CB’s. Somehow dads tend to depend on some defective inner compass when taking family excursions. They reluctantly eventually use maps finally admitting to the family that they have no idea where they are. Jake’s dad never used a map, which would result in the Niebo family taking eight hours to make a normal four-hour trip upstate New York. His dad was a proud man of few words. When Jake bought “Betty” his new guitar after working long and hard to buy it his dad observed in passing one night

 

“Nice guitar. See what happens when you work hard.”

 

That’s all.

 

 Jake took it as a compliment.

 

“Thanks. dad.”

 

His dad was the same guy who used to quietly and unsolicited brought the Wannabes pizza and soda when they practiced their Beatle imitation in Jake’s basement. Leaving the food on a card table he walked back up the stairs without looking back and the boys heard

 

“Nice job, Keep it at it!”

 

On one of those long summertime treks upstate Jake’s dad said he had heard of another “new way” to get to Uncle Mikes near Herkimer. After about an hour of seeing the same intersection from four different approaches Jake grabbed a map from the glove compartment and feverishly focused on the map pointing out to his dad that he might want to follow one particular state highway. His father sat in silence and continued driving. There was a slim crack in the curtain of silence an hour later when his dad briskly whispered once

 

“Hey what was that good idea you had?”

 

Jake learned from an early age the value of maps.

 

No matter how sophisticated or useful maps are the potential experiences are nowhere to be found on a colored lines and names of villages and towns represented on the carefully unfolded paper. Sometimes one just needs to follow the white lines on the road and take what comes. Like the meandering rivers most roads will also take you eventually to where you need to be. Like his father Jake thought his own intuition was pretty good about setting a course. He would say his inner compass was pretty accurate as he thought he knew where he was at any given moment. He was always good at faking it.

 

The map in Jake’s hands indicated that after making it across the river he would enter a postage stamp called the “nutmeg state.” This New York suburb state was where Sundance went to college, Fairfield University. Fairfield, town and university, had a history of being a temporary safe harbor for journeymen on odysseys. A disaffected Massachusetts conservative Puritan who later moved on to the colony of Virginia and eventually escaped back to the place from where he came, Dublin, gave Fairfield its name. He really had trouble settling down. Maybe the Jesuits were strategic in selecting Fairfield for their suburb university. Young men on journeys seemed were attracted to this formation factory.

 

“ ’Finding Fairfield ‘ might a good name for a poem or book. “

 

Jake thought

 

It really wasn’t much of a task for a probationary student from the suburbs of northwest Jersey to find this little island in between here and there. There were no signs for the university on the highways but there was a large exit sign off the interstate “Town of Fairfield.” Jake often relied on signs in some form or another. Another Marlboro moment - toking a lit butt relieved the anxious pilgrim as he entered the secret garden with a wink from God. The rain ceased suddenly and a slim ray of sunset sunlight poked through the gray expanse over head. Like a power spotlight this lasered beam focused on one particular spot, a small hand carved sign on the side of the road almost imperceptible because of the surrounding overgrown thorny rose bushes

 

“Fairfield University  -  (in smaller letters) Per Fidem Ad Plenam Veritatem- Main Entrance.”

 

Jake started to sing about rolling into Nazareth feeling half past dead.

 

He entered this unknown island . The birds escorting he and Betty were delighted in his arrival. As Jake drove up the narrow roadway across the Fairfield campus he imagined apparitions of black robed exorcists suddenly jumping from bushes holding up crucifixes shouting.

 

One lonely shadowy figure in the distance stood in the middle of the roadway with his right hand raised in the air.

 

“The power of Christ compels you.”

 

Remnants of the past few days showering baptismal rain became land streams that worked their way to the rivers that spilled into the sea.  As the shadowy figure drew closer to the car the grin on the half hidden face became more recognizable. It was Sundance. His hand remained out to greet Jake who had finally landed. Sundance’s grin of welcome grew as they got closer:

 

 “ Introibo ad altare  Dei –“

 

Before a second breath could be taken Jake’s automatic learned response

 

 “ Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam “

 

Sundance made the sign of the cross over Jake’s head with his raised right hand

 

“Ego te absolvo ”

 

“ You mean it took that long for me to be forgiven?”

 

“You know what I mean. I have been trying to get you up here for the longest time. “

 

“Wow, it feels like I just left a couple of hours ago.”

 

“Well, whatever, you are here and the weekend is ours!”

 

Jake secretly sought to be safe and inspired - again. In a peculiar way he felt - at home. He was in a place he knew nothing about but he was in the company of an old trusted friend. Jake and Sundance strolled excitedly together across the red-striped horizon graced quad with an immense oversized shadow of the chapel’s steepled cross laying at their feet.  Simultaneously and in standard Everly Brothers harmony they sang

 

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream”

 

And laughed.

 

5. Hera and Apollo: A Duet

The soft soap soaked sponge slightly slipped over smooth curves.  The bubbles subsequently swept away  by a supple shower of sweet spring water.  The weariness earned during the ins and outs of winter’s storms was also whirlpool washed away down the drain to some winding unseen stream. She sighs in relief. A towel slowly wiping her gently protects her from the damage that the remaining hard iron based well water could cause to her skin. Refreshed, glowing, and made up she is ready to have him slip inside her. They close their eyes and they were gone.

 

Radio cranks up and blasts almost blowing out the speakers hiding her whiny scream. His intuition was right on how hard to drive her and how loud to play the music. Riding without music was like not riding at all. 

 

She was blacker than black…. a ‘57 Chrysler with a 383 cubic hemi patiently parked in Pizza Pete’s lot waiting for her partner to get her going. She would sit calm and ready till he lit her on fire and they’d drive the night away. Cruising from back streets to open highways is freedom. A chariot on fire was a gift carrying her racer searching out hippodromes and straight aways. The diverse colors and contours of these velocitous virile vehicles became topics for drivers and marketing professionals …and naturally a few greedy psychotherapists.

 

Jake lived in the state of just needing to get from here to there. He named his ride “Black Beauty.” She was always fast and responded by getting to 90mph faster than newer rubber burners on US Rte 22. Whenever the “”Black” hit local streets everyone knew “the Reb” was in town. Isabella knew that Jake’s ride could ruin a reputation as well as take a life. Though both the Black and Betty, Jake’s new guitar, would scream when he held them tight Isabella found the “Black” more threatening. Jake was oblivious of Isabella’s feelings as he rationalized that this was the only vehicle he could afford and Betty the only guitar he was destined to play. He was careful in how he held both and they responded to his caressing touches.

 

Jake drafted in that weathered torn school-like marble notebook about the black motor queen

 

The Black Queen and Betty

 

Mated souls in conception

mystical keys

flicking of the wrist

 flames born of  a spark

in one a fire is born

the other echoes Aeolus’ harp

no destination needed

 

They lift me where

We need to be.

Pegasus’ Mustangs

And vestal virgins

Bow as we pass by

Heaven’s gates open

Gift of Helios

We are of the sun

 

As the wear of winter began to show it’s effect on the Black’s once smooth edifice the plans of a slow cool cruise down Ocean Avenue under Long Beach Island’s red evening sky over the mainland seemed a far off dream. In her day she was stealth and had been too fast for the local “po-po’s”. It was a non-issue to blow the “hot rodders” off the line on midnight runs to nowhere. No bread or title drags were necessary, just riding for the pleasure was enough. It was a time when speed and size would matter.

 

However, it was the living in the fast lane and adding up the miles of black tops and dirt tracks that began to age this “Black Beauty.” Her speed days began to wane as she slowly became transformed into a casual cruiser. She was this lonely warrior’s vessel carrying him from one adventure to another on his passage to somewhere.

 

Good companions fill voids of all kinds. Different needs, different voids, different companions. Jake felt like he had too many needs and one too many voids. He knew how some relationships could be temporary and how voids can sometimes be filled temporarily. No thing stays the same, not even relationships.  It’s just the same way all across the universe.

 

“Impermanence. “

 

His meditation mantra.

 

He had nightmares about how long he and the Black Beauty and Betty would be together. Similar nocturnal fears consumed him about Isabella and Sundance.  Any thing or person could never fill the void left by Al.

 

Betty would take Jake places journeying deep within. Holding her, caressing her neck and while strumming her time did not exist, nor did the realities of existence . The sounds separated by silence created a soothing sonata of melodious lamentations. Sometimes verses about voyages would be vocalized in a whispering psalm-like refrain. Troubadours travel from town to town, their anthems a momentary diversion from the world for the locals as well as themselves. Betty was always at the ready to be held, ready to mutually mystically drift away at Jake’s whim.

 

Black Beauty was a transport of a different kind. She existed for Jake’s body to escape to physical places he only dreamed about and places he never imagined. Inside her he was in a different world, he was a spirit in a vessel being carried down rivers and to the unknown sea.  When he held onto Black Beauty’s steering wheel he could feel how she would hold him in return. He never controlled her direction, as she knew exactly where to take him. They could not let go of each other. They were one when on the road with Betty resting in the back seat waiting for her opportunity to enhance their joint escape, the ménage’ trios. Finally responding to Sundance’s persistent invitation to venture to Connecticut all three headed east as fast as they could sail away from the setting sun.

 

 

4. Promethean Interlude…

Some arson investigators seem to love their work. Sifting through smoldering ashes to find the cause of a fire can be considered burdensome and dirty.  Accidental occurrence, carelessness or result of a deliberate action  are focal points for these tireless detectives . Some situations are more complex in the solving than others. Yet the flame of a vestibule’s votive candle , the fire of the torch on the bow of a ship making way in the darkest of nights and the crackling embers in a backyard fire-pit that bursts out of control destroying a forest have common origin . The energy that gives life to the spark that becomes fire is the nascency of everything .

 

Being charged to think about, reflect and write on a specific prompt or topic  was considered quite objectionable work by Jake . He believed that he had more important things to think about and do. He really didn’t know much about learning theory or teaching.  Somedays he just lacked any spark . He also didn’t want to be exposed have others discover that possibly he didn’t know much of anything. Dr. G. used to say

 

“Writing is knowing. “

 

Jake worried about how little he seemed to know after so much writing.

 

“Maybe there is a flaw in Dr. G.’s theorem? “

 

Dr. G. had assigned his class a personal reflective paper on the topic of “Work and Play.” Jake slipped into worry

 

“How can one have an original thought about work and play?”

 

He had no idea as to where he would get an idea. Sundance would always find a way to get Jake started. Sundance would gift him with a good book , poem or even a brilliant quote for inspiration. Unfortunately the night before the paper was due Sundance was inconveniently at some type of choral rehearsal. Jake liked to think that last minute concentration would create enough pressure magically instigating an explosion of creative ideas and words. The due date was here and he had avoided thinking about the assignment as it fueled nothing more than a good old fashioned  anxiety attack. Avoidance was not a form of waiting.

 

Dr. G. would never forgive Jake if he was remiss in turning in some reflection. Jake tried to find an excuse  rather than pursue a solution.

 

“Maybe I can get sick for a few days? No one ever questions how sick people get with diarrhea. No one says ‘How is it coming now?’ No one wants to hear about the messy details. That’s it then - a stomach virus, food poisoning from that Japanese restaurant where you eat chum as an appetizer is always believable! The ole ‘Tijuana two step’ caused by a Japanese delicacy!”

 

It was resolved. He relaxed. The evening before the due date slowly evolved into a complete night of restless-free sweet dreaming sleep. As the new morning’s sun’s rays seeped through the blinds brightening his room with light, clarity and color his eyes opened and he discovered inner flint and steel. The regular required first jolt of caffeine was unnecessary as he fell out of bed towards his desk, rolled a sheet into his typewriter and with two fingers pecked away without second thoughts, white out or edits - all in one swift energized motion.

 

“Victory!”

 

Months later this early morning essay success of sorts, now graded by Dr. G. , had found it’s way escaping Jake’s unorganized floppy loose leaf binder during one of Sundance’s visits to Jake’s home. Sundance grabbed the sheets and scanned it and kept it for a while without telling Jake. He didn’t know why he did that. He was just concerned. Sundance eventually surreptitiously slipped paper back where he found it without  Jake ever realizing it was gone .

 

________________________________________________________

   

                                                  The Day Shift

 

 

 

 

Jake Niebo

 

“Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.”

       - Albert Camus

 

Hermann Hesse right…”Make your play your work and your work your play.” This concept is harder than one would think. It is especially hard for someone like myself growing up in a family of workaholics. Workaholics - alcoholics they are all the same aren’t they?

 

Some work hard at being good at what they do and some seem to do things with no effort . If my friend Sundance isn’t writing he is practicing for the stage at Carnegie Hall . Meanwhile I am sweating away trying to scribble ideas here and there and attempting to carry a tune  into beer soaked mikes in bars. Isabella doesn’t particularly like competing with the tavern groupies or me hugging “Betty”, my guitar, all night long. Her objection to the music is mitigated by the cash flow. Maybe her view would change if she could benefit somehow from my writing? Sometimes it’s work just to keep going. Though Isabella is a little persistent about being me being prudent with my earnings she never turns down a night on the town.

 

Workaholics and alcoholics, same ship different colors flying.

 

My dad surprised me every once in a while. One day he came home from the second shift at work with a big ole big box guitar to learn on when I was about 11 years old. He knew I had an interest in playing and though he objected to this “nonsensical pursuit” he gifted me with this guitar.  It was like a very full sized woman. I wanted so much to enjoy the delight of holding her but I just couldn’t get comfortable putting my arms around her. I had been lusting for that one sleek guitar in the store downtown just like the one I saw at the car show in NYC. I had become expert in unrequited lust.

 

 I needed that guitar!

 

Bert , Bobby Vigilanti, a good friend, and me were quite young to sneak away on a bus to New York City to go to the “Car show”.  On the lower floor of the old Madison Square Garden in the maze of shiny new brightly colored cars and beautiful bikini clad magazine models using their long soft fingers carefully stroking fins and hood ornaments is where I was stopped dead in his tracks. My heart thumped but it wasn’t the cars or girls. The air was filled with screeching pounding live rock and roll pounding my chest to the beat of the coordinated pulsations of the bass drum and bass guitar . The three of us revved our engines and sprinted to the source of the music. It was as if we had found Mount Tabor and were witnessing a salvation moment.

 

I can only imagine my demeanor as ‘reverential’ as I stood  in silent awe of this group called The Kingsmen  performing  “Louie , Louie” live right before my eyes and ears. It was as if no one else was present. I know I was lost as the guitarist’s supple fingers stroked the long narrow neck with ease. Dreams of acquiring the newest fastest gas guzzling hot rod to challenge  Richard Petty at the next Daytona five hundred faded into the sunset.

 

“Me gotta go”

 

I wanted that guitar!

 

Heartfelt desire cannot be restrained.  I started to calculate how many newspapers I would have to sell and deliver to buy that guitar in the music store window. Lots of cash makes people’s wallets fat and does the same to their heads. Satisfaction doesn’t always come easy and sometimes it doesn’t come at all.  After I earned enough money and purchased that guitar my intention was to quit that paper route but something inside me kept me going. I just couldn’t stop working. Before I knew it I had the largest paper route around and hired Bert to help out with the heavy deliveries on Sundays. The Wanderers did what they did well - teased me as I was still delivering papers well into my high school years. But I am the only one in the group who always had cash in his pocket. Whenever the Wanderers would go out they’d be sure to invite me.

 

Playing music with Sundance and the Wannabes in high school was more for the fun and meeting girls than making money. We never considered playing music as a career choice. We weren’t half bad. We weren’t half good either but when we crooned along with the stroking the necks of our guitars the girls swooned. Now that I am older these gigs of playing in bands at bars have become consistent channels for filling his bank account. However, the winds of time seemed to alter the bliss of playing as it was gradually being replaced by the overwhelming desire to fill the silos. Attachments began to distract me. That which brought me to a place where I would lose sense of time and experience a peace like no other was slowly evolving into to drudgery. As long as the money flowed Isabella wasn’t sure why I was concerned or getting tired.

 

Sometimes when I am alone at night I wonder about “why work at all?” It wasn’t difficult for me to drift and think about how much I admired good ole Bobby Vigilanti. He grew up playing golf and loved it so much went on to be the only Wanderer who was awarded a full ride to college…to play golf. He never did get distracted by things like cars music or women . He was one of the youngest ever to qualify for the PGA tour .

 

I would try to explain these feelings to my friends Al and Sundance . It seemed to me that they were more attuned to who they were and always more focused about where they were headed.  I told them that when I was in eighth grade I dreamed of being a truck driver. I dreamed of being paid to – be on the road, always meet new people, see new places and have new experiences. The captain of my own vessel, a Columbus on land, an iconoclastic searching sojourner! They just said “god luck!”

 

Sundance added the advice

 

“Find out what you love to do and do it with love!”

 

 Al tried to console

 

“Everyone has a gift and when we use it we are blessed.”

 

I have been searching to find out what to do and where the gift is, if any exists. I told Al  “Well at least Charles Marlowe knew he was looking for Kurtz while traversing down that uncharted river. I hope I know when I get to where I am going. “

 

 

 It is time to get out of this box .

 

 

_____________________________________________________

 

 

Jake felt comfortable criticizing others at times because he felt well practiced at it on himself. It was no surprise that he really wasn’t completely satisfied with the narrative but he felt that

 

“at least I go something on paper.”

 

He had been intrigued by Hemingway’s “iceberg” approach to writing however he feared that what was beneath his own surface would never be too deep to warrant any interest by another. So sometimes he would practice a form of self-purging writing where he would put on paper anything and everything he could get out of this system.

 

Surprises come in all different forms. Often the reason they are a surprise in the first place is because when the event or situation happens we are never prepared or expectant.  Sometimes Jake would surprise himself with what would come from his pen. Some surprises are not always good ones. The result of much of what he had written he believed would be on the lower end of effectiveness side on the Pritchard scale.

 

True to character, Dr. G. was devilishly delighted in how he shocked Jake with the grade he gave him for this paper.  Cognizant that it was last minute and half hearted attempt at constructing a “personal reflective paper” the grade with no comments or edits disturbed Jake. He protested that he didn’t deserve that grade. He protested almost everything.  Sundance would never tell Jake but he silently agreed this time with Jake’s assessment of his grade. Yet, Sundance never knew that Dr. G. had sternly chastised Jake for his objection by almost biting his head off

 

“I will give an “A” any time anywhere to anyone I please!”

 

Life gets interesting when gifts and surprises commingle!